5 Common Mindsets and Habits That Ruin Romantic Relationships
1. Lack of Trust
If you zoom into our modern society, you will easily spot that trust is a big issue. And while in different countries the severity of this problem varies, it is clearly a common thread, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. I’m sure a lot of ladies out there heard this: “How do you know your boyfriend is not cheating? How can you trust him, don’t you know how all men are?” Usually people who have been wounded and betrayed many times are the ones to ask these types of questions. Believe it or not, this kind of mindset is very common in our society, and is based on deep insecurity and fear to lose control and get hurt. It puts a relationship into a frame of a primitive computer game: it makes you want to create a few back-up plans, build forts to protect your insecurities, with a secret door for escape, just in case things go wrong and your partner turns into an ugly cheating monster. This type of attitude will inevitably bring what you fear most, because you invest a ton of your energy anticipating that something bad can happen, and therefore you attract it. If you approach a relationship as anything less than sacred – you are very likely to attract a lot of disappointing and painful experiences that will leave many scars on your heart.
In any loving relationship trust is a very important component, it is fundamental. So healing the wounds of the past and moving on to build more trust could be a good solution that will empower your relationship.
Why this is so important: Trust sets you free. You don’t have to worry all the time if you just trust.
2. Addiction to Sugarcoating Your Issues
So many people have a hard time accepting themselves for who they really are, with all imperfections they may have, and cover up everything that is considered “bad” in our society. And we just want to feel “good.” This also plants a seed in people’s psyche that they need to make everything “prettier”: from physical body to emotions and feelings, since it is lacking as is, in the raw form. The gap between the real you and a good looking façade creates inner emptiness and dissatisfaction. Sugarcoating your issues only takes you further away from understanding yourself. And it is very difficult to understand another person if you do not understand yourself. It is like putting whipped cream and strawberries on a can of a stinky trash – it will stink no matter how much you decorate it. Sugarcoating is a distraction, an addictive behavior pattern adopted by your mind in order not to face uncomfortable emotions and situations: just cover it up and keep going as if it does not exist. Believe it or not positive thinking can play a big role here and may become a huge issue that will set your relationship on a fast track to a dead end.
Yet positive thinking is a great tool if used properly. It helps to look at the bright side of things and direct your energy to power positive outcomes.
3. Technology Addiction: Computer Games, TV/Movies, Cell Phone
Who would’ve thought 20 years ago that this will be a problem? Perhaps 20 years ago it was mostly TV. We all tested how strong that magnet was: you are sitting together with your beloved but you are not really together, you are watching something. Today everybody is glued to their cell phones and it is getting harder to have an undivided attention of your partner. People take their smart phones to their bedroom, and hold on to it while they sleep; they check their Facebook sitting in a restaurant instead of sharing that moment with their partner. And then they wonder why they break up and become depressed.
This addiction to technology sprouted in our world so fast that we did not have a chance to think about the price to pay for it. It disconnects people from the real world that is so much fun. With all the incredible possibilities that technology offers nowadays, we clearly need to have way more discipline than ever before to have a healthy balance in our lives and nurture our relationships outside the cyber space. Because our loved ones are our biggest treasures, and a happy relationship is priceless.
So turn your phone off sometimes, go outside, go camping and listen to the sounds of nature or meditate and listen to the silence within. You will be amazed how this little change will improve your relationship and enrich your life.
4. Lack of Commitment
People have become lazy and expect immediate results. Again with the help of technology our attention span is dropping scarily fast. People waste their lives chasing something or someone better. And they want to escape when it gets hot – when your and your partner’s interests and egos clash. It does get hot in any relationship, sooner or later. The only way out is through.
And while there are many external factors and circumstances that can influence our ability to commit, it starts with nothing less than our choice to improve. Commitment is something anyone can learn and get better at overtime. The list of benefits of commitment is very long as it positively impacts all spheres of our lives without any side effects.
A committed relationship is likelier to withstand all kinds of challenges than the one that is not. Where to start? Start from taking a moment in the morning to take a few conscious breaths and smile to set a tone for your day, bless your day and it will be a blessing.
We have all heard about consumerism in the context of material things but did not see that this attitude affects our romantic relationships as well. It is typical nowadays to throw things away instead of fixing them. We rush to make conclusions and very often regret afterwards, especially when it comes to relationships. Of course it is easier to escape than to put effort and fix things: we want everything to be either perfect or easy. “You don’t want to play my game – goodbye! I will be then better off by myself or I will find someone who will play by my rules, aka a soul mate” People do not realize that what so many of us dream about: a happy relationship with a soulmate is a result of a lot of effort and compromises. This deep connection on many levels becomes possible when a couple consciously addresses all the issues when they come up, and resolves them. And because of this connection soulmates are able to reach deep into our psyche and bring out issues that we had no idea were there. The challenges that come with this kind of relationships are meant to help us evolve and transform from the inside out.